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Added on Feb. 6, 1999
From SCHAFFBEAT@prodigy.net
- If you study Halley's Comet in Science class
- If you know what they're saying at the end of YEM
- If the police come you Run Like an Antelope out of control
- If you have ever went to New Orleans to meet Jesus
From Treybien
- when the Fed-Ex guy avoids you so he doesn't have to explain again
that it's not his fault your tickets-by-mail haven't arrived
From jxg19@email.psu.edu
- you know your a phish head when you name your car after a person
(song) "REBA" and name your favorite bottle opener after your favorite
song "TWEEZER
From BRIDEA@UEIC.COM
- you use Contact as your wedding song..(I woke up one morning...and
realized I love you...)"
From The duce4@aol.com
- When you are 13 and already have bought a VW bus{Thats me}
- When people refer to you as hippie
- When people who think they are into phish songs sing the wrong words
and you hear them on the other side of the hall and shout the right
ones only to recive a detention for speaking out
- When half your english reports are about shows
- When for language arts you have to Find a childs story or a fictonal
story to read to the class you do a presintation of Game Hendge
- When people come to you to find out phish dates
- When your tape colection takes up more room then your bed
- When you have convinced your dad phish is not the best thing since
wonder bread but rather the best thing
- when your dad brings you to the great went and pre roles about 30
Phattys and splits the bag between the two of you
- When your dad needs money so he sells you bowls
- When You constantly have phish songs running through your head
From Bbiluv@aol.com
- your mom leaves empty padded envelopes on your bed with a note saying
"phishin supplys" and just expects you to leave them in her car the
next day, ready to be sent out.
- you convince your entire U.S. history class to boycott their tests
so that you can tell them TMWSIY complete with yourself singing all
the songs.
- you take a road trip to florida with your mom and she tells you
to bring some tapes. you haul along 2 burkenstock shoe boxes with
your phish tapes in them and ask her what date and set she wants to
hear. you're back home and you catch her singing at the top of her
lungs in the shower "wooooah fee"
- you make phish mix tapes from all the phish CD's entitled "the best
money can buy", add side notes saying "you want some live tapes, ask
me, I'll spin them for you!" and hand them out to people that you
think would enjoy them.
- you're at a party where you no absolutly no one. a guy comes up
to you in a phish shirt and asks you if you want to trade tapes. you
spend the rest of the night with your new phriend.
- your american lit teacher, who had never heard of phish before you
arived at the school, asks you daily what new tapes you got last night,
and can tell ya just about any bit of phishtory known to phans
From Rents420@aol.com
- You live in Florida and the only phishheads you meet are at your work
which happens to be a mental hospital....
- When you find yourself looking forward to going to work cause thats
the only place you find phishheads to talk to....
- When you get written up at work for playing Suzie Greenburg and getting
the patients all worked up...
- When you drive over 1000 miles per show and 7 shows in a year and
your family cant understand why you need money to help pay for school...
- When hummus is a daily thing for you...
- When you start begging people you dont know to go to shows with you
just cause they are wearing a phish shirt...
- When people at school ask you where you bought your patchwork pants...
- When you cant wait till nye of 2000 cause on Andy's Rumor page it
says they are playing a free show in Florida...
- When you feel its totally rational to start talking to total strangers
anywhere because of a phish sticker or shirt...
- When you start thinking up things for you know your a phishhead when...
From SugrMagnl1@aol.com
- when people yell your name, jumping up and down waving at you during
shows and you have no clue who they are.
- when you leave for Went with one group of phriends and come back with
the phriends you just met.
- you make tons of hemp jewelry to sell at shows to pay for the ticket
for your next show.
- you allow strangers with phish shirts, or with any associations to
phish, to come up and hug you.
- the people sitting behind you during a show ask to put dreds in your
hair.
- when you get hired at a head shop just because of the way you're dressed.
- when you talk about phish and people say, "they're that band like
the dead." you want to smack them over the head.
- when your closest friend never fails to call you at 4:20 AM everyday
yelling "Rise and Shine!"
- you wear funky flecked or striped socks with your berks all year round.
From Cameron_Duffy@lgs.ca
- the hard drive on your company workstation runs a tad slow from all
the downloaded shows
- you have a tape deck on top of your company workstation for taping
said downloads
- you actually try to explain the tape deck to the Regional V.P. even
though it seams fairly obvious to you
- you sleep in the Ramada parking lot in the back of your van (Rochester
Dec. 11) while snow falls down all around you and then get up in the
morning and declare "I'll never pay for another hotel room again"
- you sleep in the Ramada parking lot in the back of your van (Rochester
Dec. 11) while snow falls down all around you so you can catch the morning
party with the people you met that night after you had arranged to meet
them at the show over the Internet because you were thrilled to find
people from your area who are Phans (we've got it simple - as that !)
- you can justify starting the tour in the south because Limestone is
on the way home
- you mutter "Can't this wait 'til I'm old, can I live while I'm young"
under your breath evertime someone asks a favour
- your van gets searched by customs coming back into your own country
- and they still don't find it :- ).
From packard@sympatico.ca
- Your mom's birthday is on April 20 (4/20), I swear it's true!
From Jamaa@aol.com
- you take it personally when people tell you they don't like phish.
- you start to prefer your food in flakes
From wilsonbl@purdue.edu
- You know you are a phishhead when you walk down the hall of your dorm
and everyone knows you're going to take a shit because you're carrying
the almanac.
From Eliza4225@aol.com
- you and some phriends flip out when you see the Wilson's leather store
at King of Prussia Mall and make an unsuspecting shopper take your picture
in front of it.
- you have developed a 6th sense for spotting fellow phans with the
phish logo on their t-shirts, hats, or bumper stickers.
- your parents know to put maxells in your christmas stocking or easter
basket.
- you get a strange pleasure from popping tape tabs.
- you feel like you've made a difference in the world when you turn
someone on to phish.
- the letter "f" has been forever replaced in your writing by a "ph"
From gfer1392@uriacc.uri.edu
- When Someone asks where you're staying for a show and you look at
them like they have five heads.
- When you read through the rest of this list and half of the comments
give you goosebumps and an ear to ear grin.
From Sample023@aol.com
- While vacuuming your dirty room, a sudden urge charges you to drop
down and play a few notes....
From roll_tide2@hotmail.com
- You have a automatic hate for anyone named Wilson.
- All those phish stickers on your back window prevent you from seeing
the car behind you.
- You cry everytime you here 'Bouncing Around the Room' on the radio.
- You have dreams about Gamehendge.
- Your more easily recognized by 'that phish phan' than you are by
your own name.
- You've ever written a paper for english on the turbulance of Gamehengde
after Wilson stole the Helping Friendly book.
- At your prom, they played 'if i could' and at your basketball game
your team came out to 'bouncing around the room' just for you=).
- Youve taken the time to compile a list of reasons why you are a
phish phan.
From PHISHY1811@aol.com
- you get depressed every time you have to throw out an empty carton
of Phish food.
From Surfnet96@aol.com
- When your non-Phan friends remark, "Was that only ONE SONG??!" you
reply, "No, that was three with a reba tease..."
- You've ever gotten dizzy and fallen over at a show from staring at
the lights (despite the fact you were completely sober).
- You've ever called the Hood Dairy Company to see if they sell merchandise.
- You're willing to travel 30 miles from your hometown to get a PO box
with the number 420 in it, just so the mail order people (and anyone
you trade tapes with) will think you're cool.
- You often ponder how in the hell that guy got that HUGE pizza oven
into the back of his van, and why his van doesn't catch on fire.
- You didn't realize that Loving Cup was a Rolling Stones cover.
- You've ever nearly been run over by a speeding Mike in a golf cart
(I almost was 8/14/97).
- After nearly being run over you wish that you wouldn't have jumped
out of the way in hopes that you could use your pain and suffering to
angle for a backstage pass.
- You're considering buying a car just so you can get to Maine 2.
- You went to your first show not owning any of Their CD's, went home,
immediately bought all of them, discovered tape trading and no longer
listen to the CD's, because studio Phish doesn't compare to live Phish.
- You would consider selling your soul to tour full time.
- You've tried to figure out the actual length of your tape collection
(like if you took the tapes apart and stretched them end to end)...you've
decided that you'll stop collecting tapes when you can circle the earth
(several times).
- You are NORML.
- You try to list your top ten phish songs, and realize that you can...but
only if you use six #1's, four #2's, eight #3's, etc...
- You've ever gone to a (insert band name here) show, only because one
of the boys was rumored to show up.
- You have a list of songs Phish should cover and update it daily (mine
is about two pages long).
- You have back-up copies of your favorite shows, just in case your
tape player gets hungry.
- You have back-up copies of all your shows, just in case your tape
player gets hungry.
- When you go outside on a clear night and look for the constellations
on the front of the fall tour T-shirt.
From GSend2224@aol.com
- You decide on Plattsburgh State because well, the memories!
- You cannot remember your friends names, they are all "My friend, my
friend"
- You hear a Miles Davis song, and say, "I've heard THAT before..."
- At least 1% of your room is devoted to the words "Destiny Unbound"
- You and your friends always write "Icculus" when asked what religion
you are
- You have an unnatural fear of Wilson's leather stores
- You have actually gone into the Wilson's on Brinkerhoff (Plattsburgh
NY) just to say you did it.
- Your girlfriend has actually smoked a cigar in the bathtub.
- You have convinced at least one person that Reba and Tela are somehow
connected.
- You have ever made love during the song "Sparkle"
- If your friend ever mistakes a llama for an emu, and you feel you
just have to kick him in the butt twice with a boot...
- To save space you stick tapes in empty containers of Phish Food
- You have ever called your friend a Buddhist Prodigy
- Everytime you pass any art exhibit, you start humming Strange Design
- As a normal heterosexual male, you get excited seeing Fishman naked
- Everytime you see a stick shift you have a need to hold a vaccum cleaner.
- You have put off sex to listen to a new tape.
- You're girlfriend has done the same, and you agree with her.
- When you play hacky-sack, you can actually hack it to the rhythm of
I Am Hydrogen
- You consider Nectar and Mister Minor to be father figures.
- It serious at the Dinner and a movie.
- Anynoe samed Suzie is EVIL!
- You've actually thought about it while cleaning your razor.
- You have ever pleased her with a tweezer
- You truly believe the hardest rock around is in a reprise...
- You honestly believe that the Dude of Life can sing!
- Instead of yes or no, its maybe so, maybe not
- Anytime anyone says any two syllable name, you quickly follow with
the Ba-num ba-num from "Wilson"
- You have ever found a dead glowstick at the bottom of your bookbag
that you didn't know was there
- You are asked to teach your little brother the piano, and the only
notes he learns are the opening lick to Theme From the Bottom
- You time your morning routine by phish songs on tapes
- You're mix tape for the nonphishhead ends up being a note saying "Buy
'em all"
- You serve the band at McDonalds, and you nearly faint (this ACTUALLY
happened... one of the greatest moments in my life)
- You have an irrational fear of ice
- And finally, if you have ever danced on a bed during Sample, you're
a PHAN!
From Pareast@worldnet.att.net
- When you only take a summer job IF they give you time off for Limestone,
or Plattsburgh etc. and yes we do say it's for a family reunion.
- When you are only in the teaching profession so that you can have
the summers off to go to Air Force bases to Phish - AND half of the
student body is there!!! and you have to be incognito so you can keep
your job.
- Your relatives in their 40s become newbies and pack up for AFBs with
you.
From AXILLA49@aol.com
- you know your a phishhead when hear the beginning of Guyute or Frankenstein
at a show and you feel like when you were 7 years old waking up on
Christmas morning.
From AlferdP@aol.com
- you lose began comparing YEM's and Hoods during the shows.
- you are never happy with a set because you always feel as if you've
"seen better"
From Sheen@rtcol.com
- You are eager to go with the little people to the zoo, but only to
see the llama so you can imagine Trey bending down to fire blastopasts
from its back
- You've boughten 3 copies of "A Picture Of Nectar", but not for others,
for yourself - because you've worn the other ones out
- You refuse to listen to Neil on "Cracklin' Rosie" because you think
he really screwed up Fishman's brilliant version
- You have every single narration to Harpua memorized (and can quote,
word for word, everything from the Vibration of Death to Cam Neely)
- You sell furniture to make room for all those tapecases
- Your favorite fruit is the Nectarine - but only because of Rorris
- People ask you if you own The White Album and you reply, "Yes, everything
from Alumni Blues to Letter To Jimmy Page."
- You still are trying to train your dog Harpua to successfully eat
your cat Poster Nutbag -- in time with the music.
- You are asked to write a poem about your favorite Shakespearian character
and you submit the lyrics to "Julius".
From shafe_dawg@yahoo.com
- If someone asks you you're favorite song, and you reply with,"YEM,
no wait maybe Fee, I also like Reba, but Maze is a really good song
too, Oh, Hell with it"
From payne@fastlane.net
- You know you are a phish head when your first name is Hood. (seriously
my real name is hood I was named after my great uncle a ww2 general
not Harry Hood Milk Co.)
From smlacy@neocomm.net
- you think mike gordon is a robot
- you and your friends always try to do the vocal jam from YEM
- you are that guy that trey talks about during the ball
- you are sure that page has been in jail for looking skechy
- you can name the set list from any random date
- you start to find mike sexy even thought you are straight
From Skategddss@aol.com
- you pretend to be a small record store just so that you can buy
maxell tapes wholesale
- your parrot starts to whistle reba
- a welcome window pops up everytime you go to phish.net
- you giggle everytime someone says "and i see you" (NICU)
- the only reason you attend camp/college in the northeast is for
the endless supply of hood milk
- the only correction on your english paper is the red circle around
the PH where it should be an F
- when attempting to pick up a guy/girl in a bar, you ask them if
they'd like to go back to your place to "share in a groove"
- whenever you're with your friend harry, you pray for the lights
to go out (to see where he actually goes)
- you actually know what those uno cards mean
- you wonder if the vacuum has another use (other than jamming on)
From Destinyunb@aol.com
- You pop in an old AC/DC CD and can't help but picture Trey, not
Angus.
- You have sucked more nitrous than you care to admit, but you agree
it is really the worst element of the lot scene.
- You have seen more live Phish than you have ever heard on tape,
and you have a readicculusly large collection.
- You have a printout of your stats from David Steinberg's page.
- You recognize David Steinberg at shows, (hint: look for the clipboard
and stopwatch).
- You felt really out of the loop when you didn't know the meaning
of the uno cards.
- You look forward to your oral surgery because you get to listen
to that sugarbush show for three hours - with a tube to your nose!!
- You appreciate the music of Neil Diamond.
- New Year's Eve is the only college reunion you need to attend. More
of your friends will be there anyway.
- You have ever fallen asleep in a tent to live PHiSH.
- You have your own theory on Tela.
- You want to write one simple addition to this list but find you
can't stop.
- Your parents think the new haircut means you won't be following
that stupid rock band around anymore.
- You have ever spent several hours tailing the "Night Train."
- You consider your self a fan of the Red-Head Brothers, but you aren't
quite sure wich one's Squirrel.
From seatran@flash.net
- when you want to drive your dad's beat-up, old car rather than your
own newer one because HIS has a tape deck!
- when every time you see 4 guys all together, they instantly start
resembling Trey, Jon, Mike, and Page somehow.
- when you feel more at home at shows than at home!
From garylowe@ix.netcom.com
- More people know your name in the Phish lot than at school.
- You and 15 other friends boo the headmaster when he makes his speech
because his name is Wilson.
From paxie@gateway.net
- you know you're a phishhead when you spend 5 hours in the car with
your best friends parents on the way to New years because you friend
got her license suspended and couldn't drive.
From SHAGGY580@aol.com
- when your best friend hooks-up with a red neck named larry in a
drunken blur, you tourture her by singing harry hood.
- your best friend tourtures you with a verse of deer killer's brother
goin' down on.....
From PhishinVA@aol.com
- You know you're a Phishhead when you ask your dad to call Ticketmaster
all day to get tix for the shows before they sell out while your in
school.
From PhrydGhoti@aol.com
- you ask your bio teacher for extra credit if you bring in "golgi"
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