From myself, Jay, BoutrosBe@aol.com :

• You read your kids The Man Who Stepped Into Yesterday instead of your everyday bedtime stories to put your kids to sleep.
  
• You try to use Maxell Points as money at convenient stores.
  
• Fluff isn't just a sandwich component.
  
• You understand SITM, BBFCFM, MMGAMOIO, NICU, FEFY, CTB, and YEM.
  
• Sometimes, when you go out to eat, you look furiously around the room for big black furry creatures from Mars.
  
• Instead of finding change stuffed in small places, you find Maxell Points.
  
• You understand the lyrics to Cavern.
  
• Your dog is named Harpua.
  
• You're cat is named Poster Nut Bag
  
• Your relatives look at you in a funny way when you tell them, "I love Phish Food!"
  
• Garlic on grilled cheese is a delicacy.
  
• Sometimes, when you're walking down a hall, you could've sworn the man passing you just said, "Nugs."
  
• You know the lyrics to Fluff's Travels.
  
• You have strange dreams about what Phish is really saying in You Enjoy Myself.
  
• Whenever you see a dead possum in a road, you proclaim,"WHHHHHOOOOAAAHHHH!!! Possum, Possum, Possum....You're end is the road!!!"
  
• You wonder what David Bowie and UB40 have in common.
  
• Dinner and a Movie isn't just a date.
  
• You laugh and laugh and fall apart."
  
• You know you're a Phish NET head when you meet four of the greatest people in the world, and become good phriends with them. And even though you may think that you are a nerd for being on the computer, it's well worth it if you find new friends like I did.
  

These have been contributed by other people...

From MrMiner9@aol.com :

Esther isn't just the old hag next door who yells at you when you're hacky sack goes on her lawn.


Fee isn't only a toll.

From Phlopcat@aol.com :

• When you name your pet fish "Trey, Mike, Page, and Jon.
  
• You keep finding yourself having this strange desire to wear a floral dress.
  

From Ryryrocco@aol.com:

• You agree to travel from California to Wisconsin for the family Christmas get together because you have friends in Wisconsin and Philly isn't all that far from there. = )
  
• You greyhound for 24 hours from Wisconsin to get to the NYE run because your 'friend' in Wisconsin blows you off, make new friends in Philly, and end up scoring a NYE ticket.
  
• Your name is Dave Lowenstein, but people call you David Lowie..and you always sing "David Lowie" when you hear David Bowie...AND you and your friends have invented a special David Lowie dance.
  
• You're continually amused by cars trucks buses road signs.
  
• You truly appreciate the importance of Hood dairy ads.
  
• You're probably the only person ever that noticed that there's a place called 'Fishman'sFabrics' right by the Milwaukee Greyhound station.
  
• You've become so good at calling tunes by the 1st note that your friends duct tape your mouth closed.
  
• You know sign language and tell them anyway.
  
• You've been to weekapaug.
  
• You laugh whenever you think about the fact that there's a town called "King of Prussia" in PA (and wonder which came first).
  
• You know the date of every single Phish show you ever saw because you either have a tape of it or want one.
  

From Dudeuvlife@aol.com:

• You don't use the letter "f", but rather "ph."
  
• You try to grow Guelah Papyrus.
  
• You drink bathtub gin.
  
• You catapult downtown.
  
• When YOU are hydrogen.
  
• If nothing is fast enough for you.
  
• You've been to Gamehenge.
  
• You always try to see yourself in the ice.
  
• You look for a knight in armor every time you step through a door.
  
• Maxell sends you a Christmas Card.
  
• You can sing a Phish song backwards.
  
• You play the vacuum.
  
• You ask your grandmother to buy you a ladle.
  
• You've smoked up out of a vacuum.
  
• You often dream about a woman, then find yourself bouncing round the room.
  

From Greatphul@aol.com:

• You spend your lunch money on blank tapes.
  
• You skip school to go to a show.
  

From The83Blues@aol.com:

• In your wallet, instead of your girlfriend, you have a picture of necatar.
  
• You often have the urge to scream out "This is red rocks! This is the edge!"
  
• You start fights in Bio class on the proper pronunciation of the word "golgi."
  
• You usually sleep diagonal in your bed.
  
• Whatever you do, you take care of your shoes.
  
• You are constantly being followed by cops because of all of those "damned hippie stickers" on the back of your car.
  
• You have a mini-trampoline in your room.
  

From UnjoyMislf@aol.com:

• You twirl down the middle of the senior hallway, chanting, "HARRY! HARRY! WHERE DO YOU GO WHEN THE LIGHTS GO OUT!?
  
• You get so excited you get goosebumps when you hear the tape of the phat I Didn't Know or Guyute for the first time since you saw it live.
  

From Dvidedsky5@aol.com:

• You introduce yourself to new people by presenting your tape list.
  
• You call the police when you are ripped off from tapes.
  
• You write your hydrology term paper on Phish.
  
• You refuse to eat any type of ice cream except Ben & Jerry's.
  
• You are the only one in the class who knows what flagon means when you get a new vocabulary list .. you then sing Chalkdust 10 times.
  
• You are overjoyed to have your mailbox # be 4205 .. you usualy dont tell anyone the last # aggravating the post office
  

From Poultry106@aol.com:

• Whenever you see the character Wilson on "Home Improvement" you start the song.
  
• You know where Harry goes when the lights go out, but you refuse to tell anybody.
  
• You freak out whenever you see the name Suzy Greenberg in the closing credits of "Seinfeld."
  
• You get kicked out of pawn shops and music stores in your frantic search for beebophones, because what is a band without one?
  
• You try to win fights by slicing your opponent's nipple with a piece of paper, and succeed.
  
• Your name is Trey, Jon, Mike, or Page, and you always add the words 'no relation' when you sign letters.
  
• You consider Charlie Dirksen a good friend, though the two of you have never met.
  
• When you hear "Rhapsody in Blue" you yell "hey, they stole that from Page!"
  
• You know the secret pages on www.phish.com.
  
• your aol screen name is composed of something in a phish song and then the numbers 420.
  
• You get kicked out of geometry class for your definition of a rhombus.
  

From Spivey378@aol.com

• Your dog's name is Scruff Mcgruff.
  
• You have dreams on what you are going to say in the Phish Chatroom.
  
• A voice actually says "When you're there, I sleep lengthwise....." in your sleep.
  
• You wake up in a ditch 3 states away from your own state after a concert.
  
• In Physics class before a test you yell "AHhhhhhhhhh divided sky and the wind blows high!"

From Llama6303@aol.com:

• In your finance box you have Golgi Apparatus.
  
• You have a bathtub that can only be used by Brett.
  
• You can recite the entire Gamehenge saga.
  
• You have a poster,that you named Nut Bag, with a picture of Harpua on it.
• You have an idea of what a dried up goliath looks like.
• You definately will not be any of the occupations mentioned in Waste.
• You just had to buy a pet weasel and name it Fee and a pet chimpanzee and name it Floyd.
• You get extremely annoyed when you had something to add to Boutros' "You Know You're A Phishhead When..." page but you forgot it.

From Veg13@aol.com:

• When your mom needs to borrow crates form the post office to bring home your mail from the Maxell company.
  
• When you plan your college enrollment to fit around fall/summer tour. =)
  
• When you start to plan your vacation around mail order time.
  
• When the postal workers know what you're doing there on 7 a.m., and ask you "How many money orders would you like this time?"
  
• When you actually know what a sloth looks like. You looked it up in the encyclopedia because you just HAD to find out.
  

From LL Taboot@aol.com:

• When you whistle Reba through the hallways at school.
  
• When you don't go to your first-choice college because the first day of classes is August 17, 1997, and that's still during the Great Went, and The Went takes top priority.
  

From Lengthwize@aol.com:

• When you buy a school bus to tour with phish for a summer (despite not having anything to do with it after the summer is gone.
  
• When you're a straight guy yet have some kind of thing for Mike Gordon.
  

From VW Bus 81@aol.com:

• When empty Phish Food containers decorate your bedroom.
  
• When you are walking down the halls at school and people yell out, "Hey phish girl!"
  
• When you see sandwiches wrapped in tin foil in the cafeteria and wonder, "hey are those dank veggie burritos?"
  
• When your idea of the most romantic night ever is taking the subway into Boston, having a grilled cheese, and going to the NYE show with your boy. = )
  

From weekapaG@aol.com:

• You only drink HOOD milk.
  
• You plan a vacation in Gamehendge.
  
• When someone is ill, and you say they're "down with disease."
  
• You call your uncle "Pen."
  
• You declare that your favorite kind of reptiles are lizards.
  
• You always make sure that your posture is straight and you "hold your
  head up."
  
• You have nightmare about being buried alive.
  
• When you see a bird fly, you sing "Fly Famous Mocking Bird, FLY FLY
  FLY!"
  
• You don't walk, you GLIDE.
  
• Whenever it rains, you always ask "Is it just me, or does the rain look
  purple?"
  
• You don't run, you run like an antelope.
  
• Whenever you stop at a red light, you declare you're a slave to the
  traffic light.
  
• You're against the electric chair and you feel capital punishment should
  be carried out by "chalkdust torture."
  
• You don't make contact with dangerous looking people because your afraid
  they'll puch you in the eye.
  
• Although you never really liked their music, you consider yourself a big
  fan of David Bowie and UB40.
  

From JimHiscock@aol.com:

• You can't listen to Dark Side of the Moon without thinking of Henrietta whenever Great Gig in the Sky comes on.
  
• You wonder if the Great Pyramids are made of limestone blocks so large.
  
• Every time your screen saver comes on you start singing Strange Design.
  
• Whenever you're drunk you consider yourself foggy rather groggy.
  
• You schedule your military leave around the Great Went.
  
• You sell your car and refuse to let the buyer remove the Phish logo from the bumper.
  

From ShadyChar@aol.com

• You hang ticket stubs on the fridge.
  
• You speed up to look at the people in a car with stickers cause you think you might know one of them even though youve never seen the car.
  

From PeteEwing@aol.com:

• You often ponder the yonder.
  
• You have a pet ewe.
  
• Instead of saying "the lawn", you say "the moist green organic that my feet tread upon.
  
• Fairgrounds give you the chills.
  
• You often stuff newts in your sack.
  
• You think..."what's in a band without skyscrapers?" skyscrapers are grand.
  

From Wilson2169@aol.com:

• You know what it means to grab your shoe mouth.
  
• You send your spare time trying to create the greatest show, but you can't because something is always left out.
  
• People are always telling you to stop singing those damn Phish songs.
  
• You know the last time Destiny Unbound was played.
  
• You named your pet after a Phish song.
  

From SlickSink@aol.com

• You have more than 400 hours of live tapes and you still think you don't have enough.
  
• You answer "what?" when the lyrics "Harry!!!! Harry!!!! are sung.
  
• You spend more money on tickets and tapes than food.
  
• You've narrated TMWSITY to more than 3 non-Phish heads.
  
• You know "something about Phish" that no one else does.
  

From Coiltap@aol.com

• Your dog doesn't have a specific name but will respond to "Harpua" "McGruff" "Runaway Jim" or "Marley".
  
• You own a hormone collector and or a mudrat detector.
  
• You keep a running tally of Simpson's 420 references.
  
• When someone mentions the word "vacuum" you instinctively picture a hairy little man in a mumu dress.
  
• You sit in class and instead of doing work you brainstorm the ideal setlist (Happens to me daily).
  
• You think Gamehendge would make one hell of a Broadway production.
  

From IJUNGLE2@aol.com:

At holiday gatherings, instead of playing the organ to cheesy songs, you play the vacuum.


You try to live a life that's completely free. You race with the wind and flirt with death, drinking coffee, and catching your breath.

From PAsPhinest@aol.com

• You actually try to figure out the time signature to that cool middle part of YEM.
  
• When you do your own vocal jams with your friends to Character Zero.
  
• When you buy the maximum number of tickets for the sole purpose of selling for face value at the show to make some ticketless person's day.
  
• You engage in heated arguments over which member dresses the best.
  
• When you keep the squirming coil of sunset within your reach.
  

From Vibeolife@aol.com:

• When in the car your 3 year old sister sings "the tires are the things on your car..."
  
• The Phish hotline is on speed dial on your phone.
  

From SHRELPER@aol.com:

• You actually like the scent of a mule.
• You leave it on press.
• Instead of a goldfish you want a dog.
• You enjoy myself.
• You find yourself wondering if that monkey has a train pass.
• You come to town to party down.
• You begin all sentences with an Um Pa Pa.
• Your dog took your rent money.
• As part of your salary you receive carrots.
• You use solar garlic in your cooking.
• You own a walk-in freezer.
• You speak Mike.

From Lengthwize@aol.com:

• When every time you get a ticket to go see Phish you keep it safer than any other possession you own (money, smokes, drugs).

From Phish8585@aol.com:

When instead of counting sheep you count PHISH.

Your tape collection is bigger than your bed.

From Gadey@erols.com:

You turn the lights out on Harry.

When the Squirming Coil got away you helped him.

You went and Bought Control for Smilers.

In you're freshmen Bio class you played with a sample in a jar.

From phishhed@cats.ucsc.edu :

There is a fire in your 10th story apartment but you are unusually clam because you know the 200 padded mailers you saved were meant for cushioning a leap from the window.

You're convinced Mike Gordon is playing the background bass-line on Seinfeld.

You've given up a healthy diet to only consume Phish Food.

From vinnie@ameritech.net :

our parents receive a copy of the SCHVICE for two reasons... a) Keep tabs of where your at AND b) Order those hard to get tickets like Halloween and NYE.

When you tell people to RELAX, and you assure them that there DOING PHINE.

When people ask if you caught anything on you FISHING TRIP.

You have a different PHISH shirt to wear everyday of the week, and you do.

From Junta419@aol.com :

When you've gone to every pet store looking for spotted stripers.

You don't drive your car, you ride your multibeast.

You've forged a coin and licked a stamp for the same reason.

When you' have to go to school after a show, you are completely shot, and your language arts teacher asks you if you were "phishing" again.

"Free" and "You Enjoy Myself" are in the ballot for your prom song at school.

You have a picture of Otis Redding.

You'd kill for some goo balls right now.

You have a tattoo of Fee. (If anyone else has one besides me , let me know)

From HryHood420@aol.com :

You live off Phish Food, when you don't even like it.

You've tried to play the vacuum.

You've taken fashion tips from the band.

You have a vacuum shaped bong.

When she's gone you sleep diagonal in you're bed and when she's there you sleep lengthwise.

You always take care of you're shoes.

You own "The White Album", "Quadrafenia", and "Remain in Light", but you don't listen to them.

You use the same vacuum Fish does.

You name you're daughter Tela.

From hal@bitwise.net :

You can have a complete conversation with somebody by only mentioning dates.

From Nghtengale@aol.com :

• You think Page is the sexiest man alive. (not that this has anything to do with me).
• You read Gamehendge as a bedtime story.
• Your parents can't understand why you'd see a Phish show more than twice in one week.
• A tweezer isn't only a household item.
• You look at your vacuum in a whole new light.
• You think Wilson is athletic gear for tyrants.
• The Pharmer's Almanac is on your bathroom floor.
• You submit an entry to Boutros Be's "You Know You're A Phish-head When..."
  

From hmann@usccmail.bms.com :

• People talk about kids listening to some band called Phish and then wonder why you have a quirky smile on your face.
• You work for a large corporation, play at being a yuppie, but have Phish lyrics on your screen savers that no one understands.
• You tell your boss you cannot schedule your vacation time till you find out the summer and fall tour schedule.
• You only date people who are Phishheads.
• You force your friends to listen to Phish over and over again and get really pissed that they don't understand.
• You would use the excuse of seeing Charlie in see-through tour pants to go to the west coast shows.
• You think nothing of driving 800 miles for a weekend to catch a show.
• You are glad the band is older than you, even if by only a few months.
• You wonder if you knew Trey in high school since you went to school in Princeton.

From Dolemite73 :

• You have flashbacks of flashbacks.
• You have a goldfish named "Harpua."
• You boogie whenever you go---instead of walking.
• You sing Phish lyrics to other band's music.
• You know more than anyone who went to college because you've attended Gamehendge University.
• You boycott all Wilson athletic equipment.

From LSO 93@aol.com :

• When Simple isn't just a cool shoe company.

From jwarlic@CLEMSON.EDU :

• You realize you're just as responsible for the lights, camera, and action as everyone else.
• Every show you've been to included Harry - the ultimate range of emotion.
• You run into your soul mate during the precise song you "predicted" and then moments later see your new address: A Happy Phisherman 420 Possum Hollow Rocky Top, TN 20001
• You continue to allow people to bounce off of you instead of getting caught up in the whole chaotic squirm.
• As you stroll around the parking lot, suddenly the buildings resemble those of Babylon.
• You know when to use the art of being invisible.
• During the last show, for some crazy reason, you and your best friend form an upside down, then right side up triangle with your hands above your head at precisely the same instant during YEM.

From Cbrown711 :

• You relate all important dates in your life to dates of shows( birthdays, anniverserarys, ect.)

From Tela628 :

• When you go to Virginia Beach with someone you weren't originally planning to go with, meet up with your friends at the show, enjoy the show, get lost, go camping with people you've never met, then have two broken cars, wading in puddles up to your shoulders, with no extra clothes, find a first gen crispy copy of the show, then get arrested, and still try to get to the North Carolina show the next day without a ticket. = )

From jhartzell@minitab.com :

• The only tapes you have in your car are Phish tapes.
• You can guess the name of any Phish song just by reading one line of the lyrics.
• You feel an instant bond with the driver of another car that has Phish stickers on it.
• Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, compares to the elation you feel when your mail-order tickets arrive.

From LIL CHILI@aol.com :

• You go to a VA BEACH show 8 hours from your house to see the sold out show with about 20,000 other people, run into 5 phriends in the Amphitheater that made no plans on meeting each other because they weren't on best of terms when leaving for VA, have that bonding moment of hugs and joy, forgetting all the differences we once had, have a great time at the show, and from that point on letting our phriendship grow stronger and stronger between all of us thanks to Phish.

From Stephyny@aol.com :

• When you go into a sporting goods store with YEM playing on your headphones and you have to see if you can do the trampoline routine like Trey and Mike, and you try and try until you get it right!

From eclipse1@bestweb.net :

• You forget your age, but you remember the lyrics to every Phish song.
• You give blanks as gifts.
• You have so many Maxell points that you can get free blanks for the rest of your life.
• You don't need setlists because you have every show memorized in your head.
• You have saved every ticket stub from every show. (I have)
• You go shopping and all you remember is "Phish Food."
• You go to consignment shops and ask for tapes.
• You ask your Geography teacher if he has ever been to Gamehenge.
• Your dog and cat's names are Tela and Rutherford.
• You start trying to figure out how many ways to spell "fish" (phish, fishk, etc..)
• You try to exchange Maxell points for frequent flyer miles.

From ttc13565@taconic.net :

• You're listening to Suzie without horns, you find yourself singing the horn part.
• You do the same with Split Open and Melt.
• You go to church just to pray that They will revive Destiny at The Great Went. li>You capitalize pronouns that represent Them.

From ducky@rubadubdub.com :

• When your roommates start asking you why have lengthwise playing on "repeat" in one room in your house 24/7.

From Lawnboy88@aol.com :

• When you get into fights you slice his nipple with a peice of paper, punch him in the eye, give him a bottle upside his head, catapult him downtown, seize him with a tweezer, cut his head off and weigh it, then the rest of his body has split open and melted!
• You name your dog FEE FEE

From Walfrdo420@aol.com :

• You have nightmares about somebody jumping in the tub with your brother.
• You fighting a constant battle of space with your tape collection are losing miserably.
• You've made patchwork pants completely out of max points.
• You wrote your local goverment official to have the Star Spangled Banner replaced by Mike's Groove.
• You snicker in bio when the teacher says "golgi apparatus."
• You cheer on Poster Nutbag whenever you hear Harpua hoping the one day he'll kick the dog's ass!

From evan@clinic.net :

• You have travelled to VT to get your very own "Picture of Nectar."
• You know that a large gravey fry costs only $2.50.
• You lay in bed wondering, "How did they play on that tiny little stage at Nectars?"
• You made a mound in your yard and just say duh when people ask why.
• You know that Trey's real name is Earnest.
• You gather all of those tiny, little, prickely hairs so you can wiegh them.
• You spend 2 hours in a fabric shop arguing over which material will be more visible at the Great Went for a flag so your friends can find you.
• You are one of those poor unfortunate people shivering in Portland, ME, asking for 1 ticket on 12.11.95 in single diget degree weather.
• You have taken horse back riding lesons from Amy just to ride Maggie. (The horse on Hoist).

tuckerg@netnitco.net :

• Your constantly throwing your grandma's poodle in a fountain then singing to it.
• You' ve convinced yourself that Trey is Jesus Christ.
• You keep calling your girlfriend Milly.
• When walking in school you will catch yourself with one finger in the air.
• You cant wait till the new year's show when it turns 2001 because you know there is going to be a rippin' Also Sprach Zarathustra.

KewlFlower@aol.com :

You're never stoned, tripping, or drunk; you're "foggy, rather groggy."

Whenever you spot a mob of joggers, you run as fast as you can to the nearest lake.

When the operators for the ticket by mail company know that it's you calling before you even say hello.

Your wardrobe only consists of Phish shirts and floral dresses.

You know how to play every Phish song on your guitar.

Being swept away to a dinner and a movie is considered a dream date.

You know the band members' middle names and first loves.

You're silent in the morning, but find your voice at lunch.

Your friend with the wife has a knife.

You've actually considered cutting off your head to see how much it weighs.

Copyright 1997-2002 Steffects, Inc.